I think it is me.
The problem lies within my soul, my mind and my consciousness.
I have always thought of myself as immensely inferior to my desires and ambitions; only because they are so big & vivid.
Engraved in me so deeply, it couldn’t be ignored.
Perhaps you must be thinking why should I be the problem when I’m doing normal just like everyone else? I’m just being a dreamer.
But there is no such thing as free lunch – everything has a cost and so do these dreams.
Every morning I wake up dreaming and every night I murder it before going to slumber.
It’s a vicious circle which has no end. No matter how much I try to kill it, the ghost of my dreams haunt me.
It is frustrating and saturating at the same time.
Why is it so difficult for me? Goddamn! Kill it! I want to strangle it!
I don’t want you, die! Now! Just die!
To kill you, it takes immense strength because I have to bury you.
Bury you in my own body. I promise to plant beautiful white roses on your grave and never pluck any.
Every month for the few days when I shed blood, I think I often let go of you in the form of that pure blood.
After all, my intentions for you were pure too.
Yet, you stick to me like a leech in the centre of my heart, you suck on my happiness to harvest your hunger.
I’m so drained, so saturated, why don’t you leave?
My semi-dead driven dream whispered to me with sarcasm and utmost honesty, “You want to kill me simply because you can’t achieve me, because you have faced rejection because of me. I want to die too because I see the pain you face, I see how much you want to turn me into a goal, a reality.
It is an impossible task, I promise you. You will slowly learn to live with a leech like me, a leech who you cherished the most once. Loved unconditionally.
You can bury me alive too, why kill? This is your hurtful defeat that wants me dead.
Like a venomous snake, I slither around your mind. I was once a blooming flower, do you remember?
You can kill me, my heart beats with your heart, rhythmically.
See you again tomorrow morning, dear.